she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
