I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
