Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm getting married
To pizza
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
