I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
