She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
