ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
