A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
