why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize