We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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