so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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