He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
