I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
