So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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