I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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