I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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