You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
