last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize