That's intense
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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