you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
