Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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