Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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