Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
