there's paper in my vomit.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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