Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
