Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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