there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
