I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize