If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
