I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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