Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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