oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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