I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my moral compass just broke
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