I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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