The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
