Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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