I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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