"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You ruined the universe
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
