im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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