Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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