Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
