Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
