Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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