You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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