omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
