please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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