Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
