She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
