ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
