You made me cry and you don't even care
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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