well I can't set my house on fire every night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
