just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
