You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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