Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize