dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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