I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
