A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
