So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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