I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
