every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
