Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
