and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
