she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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