Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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