Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
