Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
