I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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