She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
