i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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