Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Congratulations! We have a period
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