One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
