You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
