Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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