perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
