Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
