I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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