Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
