I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
