Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
