I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
