Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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