Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
