the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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