My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
