Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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