Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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